Loving vs. Spoiling Child

Many young parents tend to worry how to “demonstrate” their love and care without spoiling children. Perhaps, the border between 'to love' and 'to indulge' might not be too obvious. Still it is there and it would be good to distinguish between these two notions, one of which is vital and useful, while another is destructive for child’s development.

·         Love cannot be indifferent! Loving parents always devote a lot of attention to their offsprings. And if the daughter comes with her newest drawing when dad is watching football match or playing Diablo on his PC, he will never say indifferently: “AAh, ok, nice…”, not even glancing at it.

·         Love is not egoistic! We love our children and this love should be differentiated from self-love.

·         Love is not overprotection. The latter one is done just for parents’ needs: not allowing running into the puddle (thus, no need to run after), dressing the child (to make it happen   faster), feeding the child (to make it happen faster and for the kitchen to remain clean). Love requires responsibility, while spoiling the child – does NOT!

·         Love is ready to overcome difficulties. Indulging the child avoids them. Undoubtedly, it is easier to turn on TV for the children to watch cartoons and adults to relax; than to think of some games, to play theatre, to make a greeting card for grandma together.

To be more specific about love demonstration, there are 5 areas that a child will feel loved according to Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages. Every area is important, but usually 1 area is dominating others for every kid.

1. Physical Touch (hugging, holding, patting shoulder, wrestling around, tickling)
2. Words of Affirmation (positive & encouraging words)
3. Quality Time (making an effort to do something special, reading a book, playing a game, doing a craft)
4. Gifts (taking the time to buy a gift or giving them something special)
5. Acts of Service (doing things for them; making their bed, getting them their drink, helping them out with things.

It is a bit hard to understand what Maria is fond of more as her character still undergoes development and transformation stage. However, one can clearly see she loves to hear affirmation words and to spend quality time together with her relatives. For Andrew, as for most of the babies, physical touch is the priority now, but quality time also gains importance.